Persons are complex beings.
Sweet Little Ice Queen
I love analyzing people and situations, people say its a gift. Unfortunately, I have great difficulty analyzing who I really am and I'm already in my early twenties.
I hope this online journal will help me sort myself out or this would be the best venue to vent out pent up cold anxiety...and share the things that make me warm, sweet and happy (or sappy!).
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* Thursday, June 03, 2004 *
A Fresh New Page
I barely survived the past 365 days.
The months that had passed were full of challenges mentally and emotionally. In the mental component of my life I can safely assume that I rose up to the challenge of surviving my first year law school. First year was a whole year tailored to weed out those the school deemed not to fit their standards. I believe that those who didn't make my school's so-called standards the past 2 semesters would not necessarily fail in the real standards set out in the real world of the legal profession.
Grades do not necessarily translate to probable cases to be won.
In the emotional (and social) component of my life...I feel that I have failed to rise to the challenge of adapting to an entirely new environment. As an Iskolar ng Bayan I was used to people not minding much other people's businesses. And even if they did, I didn't mind them as well. But being placed in a highschool-like setting has made my social skills regress. I felt I had stepped on some toes and pulled some hair (meaning: being an annoying person). The stress and the controlled environment made my not-to-care attitude in college fade away. I reacted negatively and forgot that at times that i wasn't in UP anymore. I was easily affected and even anxious. My frankness sometimes was brutal. I failed to think most of the time and my emotions would run high.
I tried to take it a day at a time. It was tough. I was unhappy half of the time.
But instead of seeking my happiness. I am a coward. I opted to proceed to 2nd year law school for a lack of a better plan to do with my life and for fear that I would disappoint my family...or even worse...my ego.
Now, I face the second year of law school with dread and anxiety...proabably also with a little curiousity. Only the fear of failing my subjects keep me going on. Its sad that I can't even really forsee myself practiving as lawyer. I just want to pass each semester and see where all this studying (wasting of precious leisure time as some say) would eventually lead me. I hope it leads me to happiness. But I'm not that optimistic that it will.
For now, surviving the challenge ahead of me (a sem at a time), and being loved by those people who matter to me keeps me alive (though not completely "living").
I thank God for whatever motivation he gives me to face each day in law school.
I hope the next 365 days will be better for me emotionally and socially. If not, then maybe I have to bang my head on the wall to figure out what exactly I'm doing wrong.
But then again, my good friend in 1st year law school told me that, "we're in law school to study...not to make friends". Maybe that would do as well. Maybe.
The months that had passed were full of challenges mentally and emotionally. In the mental component of my life I can safely assume that I rose up to the challenge of surviving my first year law school. First year was a whole year tailored to weed out those the school deemed not to fit their standards. I believe that those who didn't make my school's so-called standards the past 2 semesters would not necessarily fail in the real standards set out in the real world of the legal profession.
Grades do not necessarily translate to probable cases to be won.
In the emotional (and social) component of my life...I feel that I have failed to rise to the challenge of adapting to an entirely new environment. As an Iskolar ng Bayan I was used to people not minding much other people's businesses. And even if they did, I didn't mind them as well. But being placed in a highschool-like setting has made my social skills regress. I felt I had stepped on some toes and pulled some hair (meaning: being an annoying person). The stress and the controlled environment made my not-to-care attitude in college fade away. I reacted negatively and forgot that at times that i wasn't in UP anymore. I was easily affected and even anxious. My frankness sometimes was brutal. I failed to think most of the time and my emotions would run high.
I tried to take it a day at a time. It was tough. I was unhappy half of the time.
But instead of seeking my happiness. I am a coward. I opted to proceed to 2nd year law school for a lack of a better plan to do with my life and for fear that I would disappoint my family...or even worse...my ego.
Now, I face the second year of law school with dread and anxiety...proabably also with a little curiousity. Only the fear of failing my subjects keep me going on. Its sad that I can't even really forsee myself practiving as lawyer. I just want to pass each semester and see where all this studying (wasting of precious leisure time as some say) would eventually lead me. I hope it leads me to happiness. But I'm not that optimistic that it will.
For now, surviving the challenge ahead of me (a sem at a time), and being loved by those people who matter to me keeps me alive (though not completely "living").
I thank God for whatever motivation he gives me to face each day in law school.
I hope the next 365 days will be better for me emotionally and socially. If not, then maybe I have to bang my head on the wall to figure out what exactly I'm doing wrong.
But then again, my good friend in 1st year law school told me that, "we're in law school to study...not to make friends". Maybe that would do as well. Maybe.