In first year I was able to comfortably move from eating with people to eating alone (whether it be in the caf or at the mall).
I didn't care much if I looked like a loner or a total outcast. I simply didn't care. Some classmates of mine from 1F would approach me and ask why I wasn't bothered at all. I simply wasn't.
Truth is, I rarely noticed it.

The past few days were different. I felt so alone.

It dawned on me why I wasn't bothered before.

I didn't mind being alone during breaks was because I knew that at the end of the week (no matter how terrible it was)...I was somebody to someone. That at the end of the week I'd be having this one meal with someone who mattered to me and who I mattered to. That at the end of the week the chair next to mine wasn't empty...

...that not only did I have someone to eat with...but I had someone to talk to, share my feelings and frustrations with...someone who held my hand.

But things are a lot different now.

Not only do I have that empty chair at the end of the week...because of that empty chair I realize that I've been having empty chairs all along. Meal after meal. Day after day. Weeks on.

It haunts me.

And I thought that the only empty chair I had to deal with was that one during the weekend. Now, I have more...


* * *


Thank goodness when I watched Spiderman2 last night I was sitting with 5 other upperclassmen who were willing to share a good time. Were it not for friends and acquaintances like them...law school would be beyond hell.