I had a hard time sleeping last night. For those who read the entry before this one I think you'd know why.

In bed I stared at the ceiling & darkened surroundings for about an hour or two. Then I realized that the best way to flush out bad thoughts is to create new ones to occupy one's mind. The next morning when I woke up a beautiful idea (this is a biased opinion of course!) dawned upon me...I'm going to put up a "Dream Board" (oohhhh sounds like dreamboy or dreamboat hehe). Seriously.

For the past months school has been something characterized by numbness. I failed my Corp exam (malayo sa passing) but I didn't cry (I used to cry a lot over grades in my first year). I just told myself..."tough luck thea. You just don't get CLV". Then I texted a few of my friends and asked them the chances of me passing the subject. They said that history (of CLV being kind) is on my side so far.

Its sad really when I realized that I don't really have a dream. I have been day dreaming of having an Italian guy donate a sperm and make my future children tall and beautiful. BUT I don't have a real dream. In college I used to have a dream and that was to teach and make a difference. Unfortunately, lawschool stress and responsibilities contributed to making me forget my dream.

This week I'll buy a board (corkboard) and post pictures of places I want to go to, jobs I want to try and people I want to meet. I want to stop living my life more than just simply living it a day at a time. I want to revive a certain passion within myself to see beyond my next recitation or next exam. I want to have real goals for myself and not just have the goal of pleasing my whole family with being an Atenean law student (and hopefully future attorney).

I want to start dreaming again.

I want to be happy. I'll choose to be.