After the exams my classmates and I had a wet and wild post finals party at pochoy's house in LGV. I had a really good time. Just the right quantity of alcohol. I didn't find myself face to face with a sink or a toilet bowl at the end of the night. I guess all that moving around and swimming in the pool helped in some way. The next day I was off to tagaytay to attend a 2 1/2 day silent retreat. I haven't been in a retreat in a long time. I guess the last time was not evena christian retreat. It was this yoga-meditation retreat.

The thought of a silent retreat was indeed scary. As most of my friends know I have not mastered the art of silence. But same goes for my other co-retreatants...mr. puyo and mr. tecs lim. So it really made me feel better that I was not the only one who would end up adjusting to the "no-talking" rule. In fact the "no talking" rule extends to "no eye contact" with co-retreatants. You cannot even ask for someone to pass the salt or the catsup. It really felt awkward at first because I was friends with some of the people i was with and not to talk to them was weird. Then when we entered the dormitory I saw my room. Only one person per room. It was creepy for me at first and got really creepy for others but the wonderful view outside my window just takes away the anxiety of being alone in this room. I would wake up with the fresh cool air entering my window, birds chirping and the sound of leaves moving. Being transported to that peaceful and fresh environment by itself made my retreat worth it.


I thought silence would make me anxious and fill my head with negative thoughts. On the other hand, it gave my mind space to think of good things. I was able to ponder on the more important things like the family that I love and the simple blessings that I receive every day. Early in the retreat I was given a wonderful grace by God. I didn't expect it but a good realization set it...that God was not disappointed if I didn't do well in my exam. I realized that "my person" will not be judged by God based on grades but on how I live my life with others. I realized that although the opinion of other people matters...it is His that matters the most.

* * *

Towards the end of the retreat I felt angry because I felt lawschool was stopping me from pursuing my real dream and passion. Brother Francis told me that one's vocation in life is determined by balancing 2 important things/factors:

"what you want" and "where you are needed"

For now I have to accept this challenge of being in lawschool because although this is not what I want all the time...this is where my family's needs will be fulfilled in the future. I cannot always think about myself. I hope God gives me the chance next sem to stay despite the fact of my academic shortcomings.