For those who know me my guy problems tend to be similar. As I would call it I'm always pursued then left hanging somewhere. The worst place a girl can get into. however, I've always had the strength to make sure it doesn't affect my attitude so much. I'm still bright and sunny. Maybe quite talkative about the whole "incident etc" but just the regular me.

BUT this time its a lot different.

I never thought it was until my dear friend Mike told me that I would easily snap at him for the smallest things. He told me that my disposition changed. He said I'd usually giggle and laugh despite his teasings or jokes...BUT now i'm so pikon or just plain not in the mood.

I got really concerned.

Today I was going down the stairs and I saw a freshman orgmate named M. I waived at him and he did the same. As he passed by me he said, ", smile ka naman..."

Only then did I realize that I was not just not smiling but I had a sad face on (unintentionally).

Then it hit me...

This guy got to me. He had brought happiness and new extreme sadness into my life. I feel naked. I feel unsecure. I never thought I can be this affected.

My friends have been noticing my change in disposition. they asked me why. I told them what happened. Before I knew it I was sobbing.
some of them said..."wow this is the first time we've seen you cry over a guy."

They we're right. Its been a very long time. Years in fact.

* * *

I want to deal with my feelings. I want to be back to the way I was.
I don't know how. He did something that changed me.

Its not fair...while he disappears and I become nothing to him. Nothing.