I was glad that there was very little to unpack from my cancelled boracay trip. Had it been a bigger bag I would have gotten more depressed.

The really sad thing about this trip being cancelled was the fact that I was looking forward to having tons of fun and having quality "alone and by myself" time to rethink things happening in my life. To those who know me well, you guys know that the basic issue in my life right now is not being able to see beyond the bar exams. Frankly speaking I really don't know what I want. I'm not sure if this is due to the fact that I enjoy the safe place called the "present" that's why I don't like looking into the future that much.

What do I really want in my life? What do I really want in my relationships?
The trend seems to be me reacting to the events that come along. I don't have a definite plan. I end up acting on impulse tempered by some sort of self-control mechanism.

I wasn't like this growing up. I don't understand why this is happening to me right now. I'm trying my darn best to introspect and determine what is causing this lack of drive and passion but I'm not getting any answers.

One thing is certain though...I think the reason why I stay on the "safe side" of life is that I fear the unknown and the uncertain. I'm afraid of getting bruised up. I'm not bruised up and sad BUT in this safe place am I truly happy?

My self-preservation instinct's too much. I am yet to be taught how to take a leap of faith in the choices that I make.