I thought the bar exams was already an emotional rollercoaster. I was wrong. The past 5 days was really an emotional rollercoaster. The bar's emotionally roller coaster had a few loops and 2-3 major drops. On the other hand, this one that i rode recently had drops that I couldn't count anymore and loops which seemed never ending...in 4 straight days. Basically, it was a process of confronting my past and confronting MYSELF.

I realized that the hardest person to confront is oneself.

My dear friend Mark had been making me "kulet" to attend OCCI's Advance Leadership Course. It costs a good amount of money but he shouldered the expense. It didn't make sense to me at that time why my friend would spend thousands of pesos to make me attend such a program. After the 4 days I knew why. It was like a retreat and a leadership seminar all rolled into one.

For the first time in a long time I can say again that I know who I am. It was an amazing and spiritual experience. I discovered what was not working in my life. And why my relationships with friends and family are in the state that they are in right now.

It was so emotional that I would throw up every time I arrived at this great realization about what was not working in my life. In the past 4 days I've come to terms with most of my fears and feelings. The biggest achievement for me was actually being able to forgive myself and forgive someone who I thought I would never forgive. I forgave and even showed him my love (as a friend of course). I didn't plan it. It just happened. And I was happy that I had the courage to actualy tell him that I was very hurt with what he did. I did this in person...face to face. I would have not done this under pre-seminar circumstances. With that I was set free from my anger and I was happy.

I am far from resolving my hundred and one issues but at least now I know how I can start dealing with them. And I discovered that the simple answer is to deal with it in a loving, honest and accepting way.