The sneaky and lying episode of Mr. N brought so much anger to me the past few days. Perhaps this was heightened by the fact that I was about to and eventually had my monthly period. It's crazy this reaction of mine. So, I stepped back and assessed "why" I was feeling so much anger.

These things I realized:

I was angry at him for failing to meet my expectations of what was a decent friend/man. I expected him to be a friend while failing to realize that perhaps we will never be just friends considering the fact of our "past". I was angry at the fact that his text messages, chats and sweet gestures shook my current romantic relationship...that I actually considered going out with him again. I was angry because I still liked him. I was angry because it proved that I was still weak. I was angry at myself for letting myself believe that there was still this possibility that we could actually date again and finally be together as a real couple.

I have to accept these things. I have to accept and forgive myself. I'm just human...a woman. I have to weed the bad guys out of my life and trust my instincts. I have to accept some things and some people will never change. And the only way I'll stop hurting myself is if I change the way I see these people.

My ego was hurt very bad. Good thing is I did not go through with going out with him. Finally I now know that we can never be good friends and never be a couple. I just have to accept the fact. And again, move on.

"It's okay to make mistakes while growing up."

Just leave and cut your losses.