Sweet Little Ice Queen

I Want My Old Life Back

2009-06-08T20:45:00.000-07:00

I'm not the type of person who tend to regret. I just really wanna get my old simple life back.

After A While...

2008-11-13T18:38:00.000-08:00

"After a while you learn...the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning...And company doesn't always mean security...and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts...and presents aren't promises...and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead...with the grace of a man, not the grief of a child...and you learn to build all your roads on today...because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans...and futures have a way of falling down in midflight...after a while you learn that even sunshine burns when you get too much...so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers...and you learn that you can really endure...you really are strong...you really do have worth...and you learn...and you learn with every goodbye...you learn." - Anonymous Forwarded SMS

*sigh*

I learned.

I'm Such A Neurotic

2008-10-13T23:00:00.001-07:00

It kills.

Forgive Thy Self

2008-10-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

The sneaky and lying episode of Mr. N brought so much anger to me the past few days. Perhaps this was heightened by the fact that I was about to and eventually had my monthly period. It's crazy this reaction of mine. So, I stepped back and assessed "why" I was feeling so much anger.

These things I realized:

I was angry at him for failing to meet my expectations of what was a decent friend/man. I expected him to be a friend while failing to realize that perhaps we will never be just friends considering the fact of our "past". I was angry at the fact that his text messages, chats and sweet gestures shook my current romantic relationship...that I actually considered going out with him again. I was angry because I still liked him. I was angry because it proved that I was still weak. I was angry at myself for letting myself believe that there was still this possibility that we could actually date again and finally be together as a real couple.

I have to accept these things. I have to accept and forgive myself. I'm just human...a woman. I have to weed the bad guys out of my life and trust my instincts. I have to accept some things and some people will never change. And the only way I'll stop hurting myself is if I change the way I see these people.

My ego was hurt very bad. Good thing is I did not go through with going out with him. Finally I now know that we can never be good friends and never be a couple. I just have to accept the fact. And again, move on.

"It's okay to make mistakes while growing up."

Just leave and cut your losses.

Life Has Been Different...Until Now.

2008-10-11T23:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged here for almost a year because of the workshops/seminar that I have attended. Most of my entries in this blog are those you could call, "Victim Stories". Stories wherein you felt helpless and a victim of circumstance.

Recently, the man I wanted to hand from a tree has become a friend. We were no longer dating but remained nice to each other whenever we did bump into each other. Sadly, I caught him lying to me about his current affairs. He would ask me if I was committed to someone and who I was seeing. I was always candid about it. And as I have always been...I was dating but not committed. Naturally, I would ask him back. And he would claim the same. Upon stumbling upon one of his "networking" sites I discovered that the girl he was just dating was actually his girlfriend. The girl calls him baby and posts pictures of them together and the gifts they exchange. I was furious. I wasn't furious he had a girlfriend per se. I was just furious he wouldn't admit it to me.

It took me a while for me to forgive him and become my friend because of what happened in the past. I don't see the point of lying when I told him before that I don't intend to hang out with him anymore. It's so frustrating. My friends tell me its because he still wants to hang out and he knows telling me he did have a girlfriend would actually kill the chance of that happening. Oh well. Some scumbags never change. Too bad I liked this one.

Saying Goodbye

2007-10-24T22:39:00.000-07:00

To those who are close to me you guys know that the drama of my life is often about people leaving me and my struggle to finally let go.

This week it was I who left and let go of someone whom I really liked and cared for. I made the choice to leave the "relationship" swiftly (he didn't see it coming) so that I couldn't change my mind anymore. I thought I would feel extremely happy after making my choice. I was wrong. I became sad. I'm sad that I might not see him any more. Ever. I would consider myself lucky if he would even talk to me.

He hates me right now for sure. And no matter what I say to myself...I actually care that he hates me now. I'm sad that we may never be friends.

I still care. But I had to let him go. If I held on much longer perhaps I would have never let him go and that would have meant disaster. Hindi ko talaga kaya ang drama na "you and me against the world".

I feel that I'm worthy of a relationship that doesn't fall under the "it's complicated" category. That's why I had to let go of this one.

But I'm still sad. Making the right decision wasn't easy.

Yes, I'm Not Hanging You From A Tree Anymore

2007-10-14T21:55:00.000-07:00

I thought the bar exams was already an emotional rollercoaster. I was wrong. The past 5 days was really an emotional rollercoaster. The bar's emotionally roller coaster had a few loops and 2-3 major drops. On the other hand, this one that i rode recently had drops that I couldn't count anymore and loops which seemed never ending...in 4 straight days. Basically, it was a process of confronting my past and confronting MYSELF.

I realized that the hardest person to confront is oneself.

My dear friend Mark had been making me "kulet" to attend OCCI's Advance Leadership Course. It costs a good amount of money but he shouldered the expense. It didn't make sense to me at that time why my friend would spend thousands of pesos to make me attend such a program. After the 4 days I knew why. It was like a retreat and a leadership seminar all rolled into one.

For the first time in a long time I can say again that I know who I am. It was an amazing and spiritual experience. I discovered what was not working in my life. And why my relationships with friends and family are in the state that they are in right now.

It was so emotional that I would throw up every time I arrived at this great realization about what was not working in my life. In the past 4 days I've come to terms with most of my fears and feelings. The biggest achievement for me was actually being able to forgive myself and forgive someone who I thought I would never forgive. I forgave and even showed him my love (as a friend of course). I didn't plan it. It just happened. And I was happy that I had the courage to actualy tell him that I was very hurt with what he did. I did this in person...face to face. I would have not done this under pre-seminar circumstances. With that I was set free from my anger and I was happy.

I am far from resolving my hundred and one issues but at least now I know how I can start dealing with them. And I discovered that the simple answer is to deal with it in a loving, honest and accepting way.

I Want to Hang You From a Tree

2007-09-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

You convinced me to date you even when I was taking the bar exams.

You told me you'd be reasonable. You were. You did let me study. We would only go out when I was done with my quota for the day.

And then one day you come back from your recording in Batangas and decided that you had too many personal issues to deal with.

I tried to be nice and supportive. But then you just disappeared.

I was too busy to get an explanation. I was too busy and too proud to try to fix something which I wasn't sure was broken or not. There were days I wondered if I made a misstep.

Yesterday, after what i had to deal with on my own, you apologize for leaving me hanging. You tell me you feel bad and that you're sorry. Great! you didn't even wish me good luck for the bar.
Asshole!

Sure you're sorry but it just means u did it on purpose. I'm not forgetting the anxiety you caused me during bar review. I don't think I'm ever gonna fogive you. Ever.

Dear God

2007-08-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

Please give me strength and patience. Please help me to continue this journey no matter how tough or discouraging.

Please give me answers to the questions that really matter...not to the questions on the trivial and depressing ones that loom over my head.

Dear Lord I beg you to guide me.

Amen.

Failing the Test of Mutuality

2007-08-10T03:31:00.000-07:00

While reading Professor Balane's civil law reviewer I come across the term "mutuality".He stresses the importance of mutuality in contracts. According to him and jurisprudence, the basic intention of the law in any contract is mutuality and equality. In other words, the validity of a contract cannot be left at the will of one of the contracting parties.

Same can be said in basic human relations such as between friends. And of course in romantic relations.

Unfortunately, it is in the search of romantic relations where we often fail to pass the test of mutuality. It's funny how you want to attach yourself to someone who does not want to attach to you or vice versa. But despite the fact that we know our present circumstances fail to pass the test of mutuality, we have this human tendency to try to enforce such non-existent contract.
We plead sincerity in our intentions hoping that the element of mutuality will eventually arise. Even though the situation seems problematic or in extreme cases really bleak...we stop pleading and instead leave an unspoken and implied continuing offer. These things we do while praying that one day the other party re-examines your proposal and sends his/her acceptance.

It's amazing how much one person can try... how one person can hope.

* * *

Why can't I simply settle for the one who hands his heart on a platter for me to consume? Why do I secretly keep offering my heart to someone who refuses to take it?

When will there be a meeting of the minds (and more importantly of hearts) in my life?

All I have is a collection of cluttered void and inexistent contracts. Just like a stack of unorganized photocopied materials on my desk.

Blogging Back

2007-08-08T03:07:00.001-07:00

It seems like ages since I last wrote down my thoughts in "space" I call my first personal blog. This blog has been in existence for almost 3 years and it's good that I actually don't have an archive that is accessible to the public. As they say "past is past". haha.

I have to other blogs and many people have access to them. I've decided to return here. It's not because I don't like feedback. Feedback is good! But I think that this blog is the best place to share my very personal thoughts on certain matters. So basically...I'm back!

* * *

Until now I don't know why I am still hung up on Mr. N leaving me. Well, we weren't "together" but he disappeared nonetheless. Weird as it may sound while dating him I've actually ranked him 4 out of 10 for physical attractiveness. He was an acquired taste on my part. I guess humour, intelligence and charm really captures me more than anything else (for as long as the guy is tall and fair-skinned. haha).

* * *

I've also decided not to check my multiply or friendster until the bar season ends. I'll just blog here or play flash games on the computer when I'm bored. Better yet, I'll just take a nap.

* * *

Here's to blogging back in blogspot and talking to myself!!! =)

SOMEDAY

2007-07-22T23:39:00.000-07:00

A Song that captures what I really feel right now. He has no damn idea and I don't intend that he finds out.

Someday
By Nina

Someday, you'll gonna realize
One day, you'll see this through my eyes
But then I won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if I cared

I know you don't really see my worth
You think you're the last guy on earth
Well, I've got news for you
I know I'm not that strong
But it won't take long, won't take long

CHORUS
'Cause someday, someone's gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day, I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday, someday

But now, I know you can tell
I'm down and I'm not doin' well
But one day, these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry sweet goodbye

CHORUS
'Cause someday, someone's gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place, Ooh
One day, I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday, I know someone's gonna be there

Someday, someone's gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day, I'll forget about you
You'll see, I won't even miss you
Someday, someday

Never Got Used to This

2007-07-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

I told myself that I shouldn't date during bar review. I broke that promise thinking that I was dating a reasonable & stable person.

I was wrong.

Sure he was older and financially stable. After 6 weeks he was carrying emotional crap & other problems that were just as much as mine...maybe even more. So instead of having someone to comfort me during my stressful review weeks I have a pseudo-relationship that had just ended abruptly. This is despite the fact he promised he'd treat me well til bar exams are over just so i wont get distressed. Now its over. No closure whatsoever. The guy just suddenly reveals he has too much shit and doesn't want to burden me with them. Then he says he doesn't want to talk about his problems because he'll just be masunget and be rude towards me. So I let him go. I told him I wouldn't bother him anymore and I hope he'll keep in touch when things get better.

Guess what he didn't even reply. He just disappeared from the face of the earth. And I'm too ma-pride to even ask him how he is. But I'm dying to know.

Well... the 7 weeks were fun. I guess it had to end now. I trust God that there's a good reason behind this.

Bawal Ma-attach. Bawal Ma-in love

2007-06-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

Bawal bawal bawal.

isipin mo na lang kung andyan pa sya pagkatpos ng lahat ng ito eh di para sya sa iyo.

Magmahalan kayo bilang magkaibigan. Yun at yun lang.

Wag mo lokohin ang sarili mo na ito ay mag-wo-work out. Dahil nagkakamali ka. maraming beses ka na nagkamali. Matalino kang bata. Alam mo na kung magiging palpak lang ang mga bagay-bagay.

magpigil. Isara ang puso. Gamitin ang utak.

Bawal magmahal pag-bar review. Bawal.

*Isang matinding paalala sa sarili

Something to Always Remember

2007-06-11T20:33:00.000-07:00

1) Hope in God (He is faithful 100%)
2) Wait on Him (Seek Him)
3) Stop complaining

"The Lord's loving kindness never cease, for His compassion never fails."

Travel log

2007-04-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

This is partly a continuation of day 1.

I met some Cebuano "models" in a beach party. I paid P100 to get in. Apparently, it was a fashion show. Those who approached me told me they were drinking para lumakas ang loob nila cuz they were going to ramp model. Well, I wanted to laugh cuz I didnt believe it. But when 2 of the guys in the group that befriended me ended up ramp modeling in various attires (not just swimwear) I guess they were telling the truth. Day one ended with me making new friends and threatening a someone that he'll get sued if he doesn't stop making indecent proposals. I guess anywhere there are guys who are less decent than others. I was offered to drink alcohol. I refused but eventually I took the plastic cup and faked drinking. I would spill the contents into the sand when they weren't looking. A smart solo-traveller isn't a drunk one. The music was great...live brazilian percussions and after that a really good DJ.

Then on my way home I walked with a mop handle. The stick of the mop. I borrowed it from the security guard of the resort. I planned on using in against stray dogs and other shady personalities. While I was walking some guy introduced himself to me and tried to befriend me. He walked me to the resort i was staying in.but weirdly he was tipsy to remember how to get back to his resort. He tried to make "akbay" (a friendly one). But I was praning and I said, "please don't touch me". He said, "I forgot that people from manila are praning and not used to these types of gestures".

DAY 2

Day 2 started with me taking a swim. It was awesome. No speeding jet skis or banana boats anywhere. Just me, the clear blue waters, the waves and the sun. It was like I was in a big endless pool. I would walk in the water and my feet didn't hurt at all. The sand beneath my feet (on the sea floor) was smooth. Pure heaven!

I took a quick lunch of grilled chicken and found myself headed to bantayan (the town proper). I took a tricycle-like vehicle which cost me P20. It was pretty far. Something like guadalupe to magallanes. Sadly, I only had P70 in my purse. So I just had P5 mango shake and bought P20 worth of dried fish. At the market I was approached by 2 guys who befriended me. Apparently, they saw me walking around the beach alone and recognized me at the public market. Interestingly, the public market had a faithhealer doing his thing with the oils and chants. After that, I visited an old church built in 1580. The caretaker noticed I was a tourist and he offered to give me a tour of the church. He couldn't speak tagalog. He even offered to show me the "kampana" but I refused due to security and safety reasons.

When I got back from the town proper I did some sun bathing and read a chapter of the book "freakonomics". Thereafter, I went to mass. It was a children's mass. The kids read the scripture, sang in the choir and even interacted with the priest during homily (Q&A type). The homily as mostly in Bisaya but for some reason I could understand most of it. Context clues perhaps. I walked around the beach again. A few of those skimboarding approached me and introduced themselves. They invited me to hang out. I asked if they had a girl with them and they said yes. So I hung out with them. They drank but i didn't. We started a bonfire and sang and danced around it. The sky was so clear that I could see the stars...hundreds of them! This is what I love about the province...the clearest and brightest skies! The 2 people I met at the public market eventually joined us.

Now, a girl sleeps in my room. She was so drunk i think or just tired. I offered because she was going to sleep in a tent by the beach with 2 friends (a couple). Its so cold now. The wind is fierce. The girl would go to nearby resorts to bathe cuz they stay in a tenet.Lodging was packed yesterday because of holyweek so they ended up renting a tent to be placed on the beach. I hope I made the right decision tonight by being a good samaritan.

Jumping In

2007-04-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

In the next 6 days I will celebrate life like I've never done before (at least ever since I entered law school).

No apologies. No regrets.

The new sights, sounds, tastes and smells will be my only constant companion. And the new memories and learnings I will take home when I return Manila.

Sun. Sand. Me.

Just perfect.

Erased From Memory

2007-04-03T02:05:00.000-07:00

the greatest hurt that can be done to me is to be erased from one's memory. Kudos to you for knowing how to do that. I guess we were really close after all. Whether intentional or not...I basically got the point. Sad but true.

I wish you nothing but happiness. That's why I just walked away.

its just sad that you treat me worse than those people who intentionally would make you feel bad years before. But then again, I forget...you never get hurt. You just notice but never get hurt. I'm the only one who does. Pathetic little me right? That's what you tell them.

In Fat

2007-03-22T07:22:00.000-07:00

I find myself infatuated with a person I used to date. Its weird that I have this "delayed reaction". We're still in touch...but I just like him too much now to do anything!

I don't understand why I push away the guys who happen to like me. I make excuses to find their faults. I tell myself that they are aren't sincere and that they just like to have fun. I guess I've had too many bad experiences in the past.

Its hard to constantly keep my heart in check. My friend F said I'm too much "mind" over heart. I can't help it.

Marathon

2007-03-19T07:51:00.000-07:00

In less than 10 days I'd be done running the law school marathon. It seemed like forever. Every day is a struggle. And now I can see that tape at the end of the run...the one I'm supposed to "break". I hope I break in just in time. I hope four years of my life is enough.

Indeed this is a marathon. From 6 sections in first year we're down to 4. Not everyone finishes the race...not everyone covers it over a decent amount of time. You run as a group but in truth its a race against yourself. Some run past you while others you overtake. I never thought it would be really lonely running alone at some point but it does get lonely. But then again, this is not synchronized swimming...this is a marathon. I hope Iill be really done with the 20Km race by April 22 cuz I have a 50Km marathon to prepare for in September.

The Simple Life

2007-02-26T07:30:00.000-08:00

My life has become very simple. For some reason i've got a routine. I find comfort in going to the gym thrice a week, serving or reading in mass once a week, watching an hour of "kapamilya" shows and blogging/surfing the net.

After graduation life will be simpler. My schedule is something I have to create for myself. I have to dedicate much time and effort to bar review. I tell myself that its time to step up my game. Well, I didn't really have game to begin with. haha. I just have to concentrate as much as I can. That I'm very anxious about because I'm known to have very short attention span.

When I find myself walking alone around school or rockwell I am reminded that bar review or bar exams is a challenge or journey that I'm going to face alone. Its a marathon I have to prepare for. I have to learn how to find strength, both mental and emotional, from within...that I don't think will be simple.

Moving On and On and On...

2007-02-05T22:45:00.000-08:00

The past year has been a year of change. I moved into a new boarding house, acquired a roomate, fell in love, fell out, fell outside, tripped and stood up. I guess this is all preparing me for the life that lies beyond law school.

A life that I will build ON MY OWN. Perhaps my God is telling me something. Perhaps He wants me to become a toddler again...taking steps on my own to eventually gain total independence...both physical and psychological.

It hasn't been easy. The emotional rollercoaster has been really rough. But I'd rather be moving than be stuck.

Comfort With You

2007-02-05T06:07:00.000-08:00

Dear W,

I never thought that I would find comfort in your presence. Your ability to shut me up and make me just listen amazes me. The way you hold my hand and say my name brings so much comfort. I wish I could keep you. I wish I could wear my heart on my sleeve. But I refuse to be the slave of comfort. Because if I did I might not let you go and I might not let things be.

Thank you for gracing my life. I just want to be honest that I find comfort and good vibrations in your presence.

One day I'd have to let the good things go so that I can pursue what is more important and what is far greater.

Final Pushes

2007-01-27T03:42:00.000-08:00

I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The only midterm exam remaining for me to take is remedial law review. I only had 4 hours of sleep today due to a very 'toxic and demanding' elective. The last time I only had less than 6 hours of sleep for an exam was when I was in 1st year. I guess being in 4th year doesn't mean things become easier...well at least not for me.

I just have to push myself harder. I'd like to believe that i've been through worse and lived through it.

I need a drink.

I Think I Just Said Goodbye

2007-01-06T03:19:00.000-08:00

I entered the second semester steady and empowered. I felt that I was in control although I struggled to be. I was happy. I was steady...until you came along.

I started to rethink things. I started to consider stuff.

You ask me if I ever miss you.

But how can I miss someone I barely remember? Someone whose memory is fading day by day.

You tell me you'd want to be there to comfort me but your shadow I don't even see. The comfort you say you wish to express I don't even feel. While there is a saying that it's the thought that counts...in my book a thought cannot make things happen.

Its just not happening.

I have no to time & energy to act enthusiastic when all I get are words...in digital form.

It is time to say goodbye. The four weeks was interesting and our first date would be my most memorable first date ever. For that I am thankful.

Thank you for testing my capacity to keep my mind and heart on track. Now I know that I am truly ready to be alone.

Please leave me alone and stop pretending there is really something there that you can offer me.

Goodbye J.

Facing the Year Ahead

2006-12-31T01:55:00.000-08:00

Year 2007

When I entered lawschool 2007 seemed to be so far.

In a few hours 2007 will be here. Amazing. This year would be the year I'd be graduating from lawschool, reviewing the bar, taking the bar and taking the first few steps of making my dream of being a college instructor come true. I couldn't say "WILL be" the year because these things will take place if dear Lord allows them to happen.

Lord, please send me the strength to push on as I have done years before.

I enter the 2007 content and happy. In fact, I don't know if I'm willing to welcome change in my status any time soon. I'm just so used to nowadays of being just with myself and a few friends. I want to live a life not of indifference but I'm comfortable with just being "steady". HAyyy...

Am I looking forward to the year ahead? I do but with a little anxiety. This would be one of my most challenging years I believe. I hope I've grown up enough to be ready for it.

Silence is Happiness

2006-11-30T06:34:00.000-08:00

I haven't really blogged in a while. The main reason behind this is the fact the recently I've been feeling happy and content. Para bang my life is starting to fall into place. There are things that I am starting to accept and things that I'm starting to let go finally.

A few things that I've accepted are the following:
1. That I love being in law school (now). Not because I'm studying law but because of the friendships I've made and the memories I continue to make with the people around me.
2. That being at peace is a decision and requires effort. But at the end it IS worth it.
3. If someone likes you he'll do something about it. So you don't have to do anything. NOTHING at all.

I'm really thankful. I hope I stay "steady" in the months to come.

The less I write the more happy I am.

Living a Sloth's Life

2006-11-02T03:17:00.000-08:00

Sembreak is the best! nothing to worry about. Well except for grades maybe...but then again I'm in fourth year already. so there.

The weird thing about sembreak is I get lots of pimples. I don't understand it. I sleep 10 hours a day and eat on time. I think its the lack of exercise. I think I have to exercise tomorrow to make sure that I sweat. Other than that the sembreak has been swell! =)

Since I'm bored I answered this quiz online:

You Are Mostly Secure

In general, you feel confident and together.
But the wrong thing can happen, and all of a sudden, you're not feeling so secure.
Luckily, your insecurities don't last long... at least, not usually.
So the next time you're feeling insecure, try to snap out of it - and remember the confident woman you are!

Are You Insecure?

Basketball and Blackout

2006-09-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

Nothing beats the feeling of coming come after more than a month of being away! I'm not exactly a homebody but when electricity disappears from your boarding house for 48 hours (your fone and laptop is dead) you suddenly miss a lot of things.

I was away from home for one whole month because of bar ops season. I promised a dear friend and mentor that I would be her "angel"/slave during her preparations for the bar exam. My saturday nights and sundays were quite stressful. I would volunteer for hotel operations and then go back to school (makati-manila-makati) to get the "controversial" blue tips of ateneo law and then deliver it to my friend's doorstep. My sleeping hours were erratic plus there were sundays that I would do this routine while I was barely sober.

This would be the last bar season that I'm actually helping out barristers. Next year it would be me who would be in dire need of help and prayers. Time flies so fast! I attended the SALUBONG at taft avenue last sunday. The Salubong is the big after-bar exams party where everyone cheers and get drenched with water and beer. I felt my heart sink after the salubong...I realized that next year I would be coming out of the gates of DLSU relieved and hoping to become victorious.

* * *

Today I went to my first ever UAAP game.

It is a known fact that a very small fraction of UP students care about the UAAP games...except of course if they are players or the PEP squad (or friends thereof).

In ateneo its a BIG DEAL. My bestfriend convinced me that it was time for me to be immersed in the admu culture. I felt that since it was my last year I should try it. So off we went to the Big Dome in Cubao 3 hours before the finals between ateneo and ust. It was game 2. Its amazing how the ateneans of all ages, shapes and sizes spend time and effort to cheer and support the teams. I found myself amongst them. I guess 4 years of hell in ateneo law somehow teaches you some school spirit...not to forget a little pride and arrogance. haha.

Ateneo lost to UST bigtime. I wasn't really surprised considering they won the last game by only 1 point. It was a very sad sight that the ateneo players missed more than half of their freethrows (more than 20 points least) and a good number of lay ups. I couldn't believe that they were in the finals with that type of performance. Oh well...I'm no basketball genius so I might not be in the proper position to diss...BUT i am a very disappointed spectator.

Nonetheless I enjoyed watching the live game immensely. All that energy just rubbed on to me.

* * *

September was saying goodbye to 2 people and both goodbyes were inevitable. However, despite the fact that I knew the temporary nature of my relations...saying goodbye isn't easy. Especially if you don't actually get to say it to the other person and you just disappear from each other's lives as if one was never a part of the other's. One day you create a bond...the next day you destroy it just like that.

Tired

2006-09-25T01:24:00.000-07:00

September has officially ended in my book because bar season is already OVER!!!!
I haven't gone home to QC since the bar season ended because I'm a friend's personal runner.

Although I had 10 hours of sleep last night my mind is still floating somewhere. In fact I'm trying to blog to get my thoughts together. I'm not quite sure if its actually working. haaaayyyy....

Yesterday I had fun with D and other friends from the lower batch. We drank, chatted and even swam in the pool of Westin. It was a nice sunny day yesterday thank goodness. But all those activies are just really tiring. Today i'm working on low battery and a lot of things are on my mind.

I think I need some quiet time alone for the meantime. I hope it works.

Put on Record

2006-09-21T00:58:00.000-07:00

Your Honor, let it be put on record that today...I TRIED.

I tried to rebuild a broken bridge. I failed.

I tried to build a new bridge. Its up but no one is using it.

Hooked

2006-09-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

I'm simply obsessed and possessed! Its like a koreanovela I wanna watch over and over again!

The internet connection is not helping my current obsession...it actually feeds it! grabeh!

I'm getting really weird now. I don't know why I'm hooked! Its not even THAT great. wuh!

Dear Lord, please send me a cure!!!! I fear that I might not be well enough by the time sembreak starts...shit that would be worse! Idle time makes me crazier!!!!

Labo mehn.

I wanna break free!

Bitter Ocampo

2006-09-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

I don't understand what you're up to but its making me mad.

You left and i didn't run after you. We we're friends before THAT happened.

Why am I never friends with my exes???! you're just my pseudo-ex and yet we are no longer friends. I'm tempted to ask for an explanation but its waste of time...you've left anyway.

You're just like them...isa ka ring bitter ocampo. hmp!

Chinese Astrology

2006-09-15T03:56:00.000-07:00

I looked myself up in this Chinese Astrology thing AND apparently I was born under the year of the Rooster. It says:

"The Rooster (Candour): Funny, witty and efficient, fundamentally entertaining, often performing to the point of attention seeking. Given to vanity, sociable, has the ability to appear interesting even when short on personality. Strong-willed, generous to friends. Deep inside anxious and worried."

Salient qualities: Industrious, headstrong and committed.

* * *

WOW! that sounds a lot like me. hahaha.

Seeing Blue

2006-09-15T03:48:00.000-07:00

After dinner a few friends and I walked back to school from the mall. There was a rumor that a pending grade from a second year subject was to be released. WE saw our teacher passing our grades...arghhhh.....

I hope I pass! I don't wanna do 5th year in law school! I dont wanna!!!!

Standing Firm

2006-09-12T20:58:00.000-07:00

After he left I told myself that I would be doing some adjustments in myself and in my life. Haaay... I guess its really easier said than done.

* * *

I'm going through some weird phase again. A phase that's all too familiar. I swear next time I should just stay away. Plus I shouldn't get my mood altered in any way.

The Whirl Is Over

2006-09-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

The past month has been a whirl.

I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. As I step into the month of september I realize that this has been my most dramatic month to date. Midterms, thesis defense and him.

Although, he'd be leaving on november instead of the initial date of Sept 5...I am officially saying goodbye to that chapter in my life tomorrow. It will go as officially planned. He is to disappear tomorrow from my world. I will be quite sad considering that we did share good times and fun times. BUt then sometimes that's how some people are in your life. They are there to provide temporary insane happiness (some misery to go with it of course).

I thank you for gracing my life. Thank you for helping me move on and get over someone.

I've learned a lot about myself as well. Thank you.

Goodbye and takecare.

I Wanna Quit You

2006-08-21T01:25:00.000-07:00

I just wanna quit you. But its hard.

I can't help but be polite and so I still reply with just one word and nothing else. I stop myself from telling you not to miss your meals and from asking you how your day went...even when I always wonder.

If there's any consolation its the fact that I don't see you unless we agree to meet. Since you ended US already then we aren't gonna meet anymore. It makes things a lot easier to bear. I honestly wished you would leave the country as soon as possible so that I have nothing left to say but thank you, goodbye and take care.

Sick and Tired

2006-08-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

You're cute and you make me happy but you just have to make mountains out of molehills huh? almost all the time.

I'm sick and tired of explaining myself for the normal and usual things that I do on an everyday basis. You wish I'd prioritize you...come on, practice what you preach.

I'm really tired already. I wish you were leaving tomorrow... for good.

* * *

"Silence means YES... but then again.. I'm not sure of that... silence can also mean, I'm tired of explaining why it is NO."

Same Page

2006-08-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

so there lies are put aside and the "truth" is out.

Ang MO ay MO lang. Wag na tayo magbolahan. =)

I Just Hate It

2006-08-08T20:47:00.000-07:00

I just hate it when people lie...and they get caught.

I'm a bad liar. I can lie through being passive but not through creating another form of "truth" for the other party to hear.

When people lie "actively" to me and I catch them lying it really pisses me off. Fine, I do concede that I'm the type who believes that most people would tell the truth than lie.

Although I told myself that I might be "swindled" by this person I never thought that it would be this soon and this apparent. Not even normal friends would do that to me. I'm furious.

For now, whatever you say is deemed to be a lie unless proven otherwise. Asshole.

Loving My Freedom

2006-07-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

Recently, I realized that the reason that I am single is because I value my freedom so much. I used to think it was due to the fact that no guy would take me seriously. Apparently, I was mistaken.

I'm no longer used to someone checking up on me, asking me if I ate lunch or dinner on time or if I had a good night's sleep. When someone I like starts asking me those questions on a regular basis I panic. I start thinking that something is terribly wrong with the person who is showing his concern towards me.

Ako yata ang may sayad.

I complain about being alone but I feel suffocated when someone suddenly cares a lot.

I'm starting to feel that my attitude is a sure recipe for spinsterhood.

*sigh*

Beaten Path

2006-07-23T05:20:00.000-07:00

I've been going through some process of depression. I am scared of what lies ahead of me especially on the relationship department. I am scared that I no longer have the capacity to love. That the past year has made me indifferent and self-centered.

Its amazing how a person can affect the way you see things or even start treating people. Sometimes I wish we never crossed paths that way. That he and I stayed where we belonged.

* * *

I met up with an old friend from college last night. He's a batch younger than me. He told me last night he was amazed that now he doesn't feel the age difference...that now he feels even if we are different we are indeed equals.

I agree.

Empty

2006-07-21T23:28:00.000-07:00

I'm hungry...

And I Ask...

2006-07-14T02:52:00.000-07:00

Why him?

Is this caused by a lack of social life? Or my inability to change the "market".

I find myself tongue-tied, shy and stealing glances. Worse is that with him I find myself swimming round and about in a very small pool. Its so small that my movement in one end of the pool will be felt on the other end.

* * *

I have to learn to be patient lest I find myself drowning again in murky water.

Back to Square One

2006-07-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

Imminent depression makes me do one thing. And so I did.

Failure to Connect

2006-07-02T05:57:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the thesis draft deadline. But this entry is not about thesis. This entry is about how doing your thesis and living away from home can make you invisible.

Yesterday we had a free cut in practice court and thus the day was spent shopping, eating, going to mass, reading and partying. little did I know that I was supposed to be some place else. Some place important. Yesterday was our clan's family reunion in Alabang. IT was also the despedida of my tito-ninong's family who would be migrating to australia. This family is the family I live with for a couple of days before I take my midterm or final exams in lawschool for the past 3 years. Their family adopts me when I am stressed and down.

One might ask, why don't I seek refuge in my OWN family? The answer is simple: my own family is 90% is stressed and dysfunctional. This exact stressed disposition caused my mom and sister to FORGET to inform me about the reunion despite the fact that I did call home 3x the night before the reunion and I even got to talk to them.

It pains me that I was unable to go to the reunion. I only discovered about the party today when I called my house to "make kamusta" my family. I cried a lot over the phone when I found out that I missed out on so much. My family forgot to inform me of such important even despite my efforts to keep in touch. My other relatives of course assumed that my own family informed me. My own parents and sister ASSUMED that I was too busy to go. They didn't ask me if I was going. Had they even asked why I wasn't going Then i would have discovered there was a reunion to go to in the first place.

Why has my life been reduced to this? Reduced to schoolwork. My own family has left me to live a very lonely world. In fact, its be who even asks them how they are. With all the technology in the world today my own family fails to connect. Sadly, I try to connect with them but they just forget about me.

My relatives who adopt me during my hard times are now migrating to Australia. I didn't get to hug them and thank them in person because my stressed and dysfunctional family forgot to tell me about their despedida.

When they leave this week where will I go?

Frown

2006-06-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

Waaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Driving Without A Clue

2006-06-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I had to drive someone else's car out of the school's basement 3 parking area before it closed. I only had 5 minutes to remove the car from basement parking. The thing was I had no license (I never had one to begin with). The other thing was I haven't driven in like 5 years. It was my first time to drive without anyone beside me and my first time to drive an automatic car. I never had real driving lessons. Truth be told I have yet to drive in a major thoroughfare. It was my ex BF who taught me the basics years ago.

I felt helpless, none of the guards would help me (they didn't want to be liable if ever something happened to the car). I was running around school looking for people to drive it. I didn't find anyone.

SO I drove...screaming in an empty parking lot and nearly fainting in the process. The tint was dark that I had to open the windows to see. I was filled with anxiety and adrenalin at the same time cuz I HAD to get it out of the basement.

When backing up I hit the wall. The right side of D's bumper was scratched and dented. Nevertheless, I got it out of basement 3. I drove 2 levels of the semi-steep multi-level winding ramp parking thingies. Until now, I can't explain how I did it. I parked it outside the school and my parking skills were as terrible was they were 5 years ago. I was parked like a feet and a half away from the sidewalk.

Thank God, MY friend was understanding and forgave me cuz it was an accident.

* * *

The weird thing about this is...I actually had extra guts to do it cuz I had a dream before that there was an emergency and I drove someone else's car towards a ramp. I had a feeling that I was capable of pulling it off if I HAD NO CHOICE and no one wanted to help me. I guess dreams have a weird purpose.

Asan Na Ang Ligaya???!

2006-06-12T03:03:00.000-07:00

I just woke up from a nap.

I was trying to finish my doing the second case in my case study chapter for the thesis. To keep me awake I played some MP3s on suffle. While on YM talking to a friend. The Music GOES...

well Ely Buendia sings..."gagawin ko lahat pati ang THESIS mo wag mo lang ipagkait ang hinahanap ko".

THESIS Na naman???! pati ba naman sa playlist ko? I wanted to scream when I heard the lyric. Sana nga lang may pwedeng gumawa ng thesis ko. the lyrics rubs salt into the fact that that can never happen cuz a Juris Doctor thesis is one you must pull off on your own (and no one will do it even if nanlililigaw sila syo).

Sana matapos ko na to para tunay na LIGAYA na.

Back to the Grind

2006-06-09T03:34:00.000-07:00

I'm back living alone. I spent my first day of freedom in the library typing tidbits for my thesis. I really don't see the point of the writing exercise but then since I wasn't accepted in the law school found in Diliman then I just have to earn my degree here in makati.

I spent some time catching up with good friends that I haven't seen in months. Some gained weight while others have a tan. As for me, I was one tooth less. =) I even bumped into my dentist in the mall.

Just when I thought I wouldn't be reminded of him I bump into the girl who adores him the most. She tells me stories about him and how she tries to win him over. I encourage her constantly by saying that he does have a soft spot somewhere without divulging why I would know. Despite having the most terrible relationship (or lack thereof) with him I still tell her that he's a nice and smart guy. I guess God has his way of rubbing salt into my wounds. He had to test me if I could turn my anger to something else.

* * *

On my way back from the grocery I saw my crush. I have a feeling that he feels awkward around me nowadays since I tend to give him compliments on how he dresses or how pretty his eyes are. We just waived at each other. No small talk whatsoever. Just the sight of him makes me smile. *sigh* I feel like highschool again.

Forgettable Summer

2006-06-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

Summer is about to end and this summer would be among those few summers that I might not even remember in a few years...except for the fact that my jaw was swollen for a whole week and that I had to handwrite 540 digests.

I made a few mistakes. Those I intend to learn from and erase soon enough.

I Hate the Way I Don't Hate You

2006-05-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

this entry's title is the status message of my friend in YM. I think the more appropriate version for myself is, "I hate the way I can't hate you".

* * *

Why do you haunt me like a bad dream? I wish I could erase you like a computer file or flush you down the toilet like crap.

But I can't. I tried but failed.

I think I should just disappear for good.

Old Habits Die Hard

2006-05-23T05:02:00.000-07:00

Last night was again spent hanging around the debate community and my favorite org of all time...the circle. They had a wonderful run at the AUDC. I got really tipsy, dancie and noisy at DISH and at someone's house.

The dancefloor was a really weird mix of people, music and scents. Well, that's an international debate tourney's break night party for you.

* * *

CONGRATS Circle! Good luck!

* * *

I woke up this morning telling myself:

"shet ****, old habits die hard".

---------

States of altered consciousness often leave me either passive OR aggressive. In rare occassions it makes me passive-aggressive. Last night I'm not quite sure what I was. And I'm very much worried that I might have been passive-aggressive although from my recollection of events I don't think I was. But I could be wrong.

* * *

When will I ever learn to be my old and normal self..where life was simple and in order? Nowadays I find myself dipping my wounded foot in water where the sharks are. I know I shouldn't. However I still do and I end up lifting my foot out of the water a few seconds too late.

M told me that I should "own my decisions" whatever they are. I'm not quite sure what that meant. As far as I understand it its facing the consequenes of whatever action I choose to take.

This reminds of a line in the movie Unfaithful where the seductive foreigner guy says something to the married woman he was seducing. The woman tells him that being with him is a mistake. The man replies "there is no such thing as a mistake...only things you did and did not do". Drats, THAT LINE doesn't really help my curret predicament but it did made me think (wonder).

OMG

2006-05-22T00:12:00.000-07:00

man, i have the biggest crush on actor eric balfour. He is so hot!

In Denial

2006-05-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

My mind is in denial that I have to do thesis. Everytime I plan to do some writing I end up doing other things like gathering data instead. I think I'm in a stage of denial that my mind refuses to work when it comes to thesis writing. I'm so stuck. And frankly I don't want to talk to any of my 2 advisers (I have an adviser who isn't official but both professors know that they exist) without having written at least 3 complete chapters. At the rate I'm going I think I'm doomed.

I'm really disappointed with how I'm dealing with this "challenge". I begun this whole thesis writing full of energy. But after my frustrating outline defense with ma'am A I realized that I shouldn't take it too seriously cuz frankly most of the professors don't. Most of the time they don't understand what you're talking about anyway cuz you know more about your topic than they do. So they ask off tangent questions or you have to explain legal concepts repeatedly.

So now a big part of me ain't taking this too seriously anymore. Parang I'm in the "come on lets get this over stage" unlike in the early part of the second sem I was so passionate about writing my thesis and had dreams of being a candidate for best thesis.

wuuuh!

Unpacking

2006-05-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

I was glad that there was very little to unpack from my cancelled boracay trip. Had it been a bigger bag I would have gotten more depressed.

The really sad thing about this trip being cancelled was the fact that I was looking forward to having tons of fun and having quality "alone and by myself" time to rethink things happening in my life. To those who know me well, you guys know that the basic issue in my life right now is not being able to see beyond the bar exams. Frankly speaking I really don't know what I want. I'm not sure if this is due to the fact that I enjoy the safe place called the "present" that's why I don't like looking into the future that much.

What do I really want in my life? What do I really want in my relationships?
The trend seems to be me reacting to the events that come along. I don't have a definite plan. I end up acting on impulse tempered by some sort of self-control mechanism.

I wasn't like this growing up. I don't understand why this is happening to me right now. I'm trying my darn best to introspect and determine what is causing this lack of drive and passion but I'm not getting any answers.

One thing is certain though...I think the reason why I stay on the "safe side" of life is that I fear the unknown and the uncertain. I'm afraid of getting bruised up. I'm not bruised up and sad BUT in this safe place am I truly happy?

My self-preservation instinct's too much. I am yet to be taught how to take a leap of faith in the choices that I make.

Getting There

2006-05-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not I'm getting used to it. Never thought I would but then I find myself simply viewing it from the outside. Its not that bad really.

Some things just have to be taken as they are and will be dealt with accordingly.

We're all just human anyway. But some are smarter than others.

Rain

2006-05-11T05:13:00.000-07:00

RAIN # 1:

It rained yesterday while my cousin and I were in Divisoria. I was quite alarmed considering that the streets of Manila are notorious for flooding.

Its been a few years since I've visited the middle class shopper's paradise that is known as Divisoria. For some reason being in a place surrounded by different kinds of people while they are doing their own business gives me some sense of peace. It doesn't make that much sense considering that my senses are practically overloaded due to the sights, sounds and smells...market stalls on the left, street vendors on the right, smelly roads, calesas bringing chinoys from one point to another and different people everywhere. When I walk through a busy road it makes me feel that I'm watching a movie. Its like I'm involved but detached at the same time. I feel some kind of thrill being in the middle of this type of organized chaos. I also feel awfully centered.

* * *

I bought tons of stuff. Some are pretty much disposable. yung tipong you know wont last. although the clothes I bought I know will. I have clothes I bought from DV years ago which I still use.

* * *

RAIN #2:

I saw the weather report. The typhoon in the Visayas region is confirmed. I'm leaving fro bora tomorrow. FINALLY. I hope the typhoon moves fast enough so that by the time we settle in the resort it would be sunny enough to get a tan. The worst that can happen in a beach vacation is when it rains the whole time. Ugh! Please wag po.

You know what's weird? I'm no longer that excited. This morning I woke up and I'm like "oh yeah i'm leaving tomorrow". What the hell happened to me?!

* * *

RAIN #3:

"Rain" of Korea. Singer-actor of South Korea and star of the soap "Fullhouse" was named as one of TIME magazine's 100 most influential people of the year. Nyak! He's proof daw that trends of the East can move West (instead of the usual West to East).

* * *

RAIN #4:

Big rain on a parade. Wuuuhh!!!

Wow I Still Know Basic Science

2006-05-05T09:02:00.000-07:00

I took this quiz and I'm glad that whatever I learned in gradeschool and highschool stuck. I got a perfect score! =)

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

Now I Know Better

2006-05-04T12:31:00.000-07:00

yes I do.

Bummed

2006-05-04T09:21:00.000-07:00

For a person who pretends and convinces herself constantly that she doesn't care...fuck it...

I do care!

* * *

There are things I guess I just have to give up. But choosing what to give up is tough especially when you're already too involved.

*sigh*

Saving Me

2006-05-02T01:32:00.000-07:00

I have been making the more difficult choices nowadays. But I guess avoiding the more convenient path/choice is what saves my sanity at this point in time. Sure its not the happier or more exciting choice but it saves my heart.

I don't want to drown again.

I just have to keep on swimming...keep on swimming.

Muay Thai and Me

2006-04-27T23:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was finally able to finish and submit the 540 specpro digests. yey!!!!

I missed almost a week of going to the gym just to finish all that writing (hand writing!). And for those who know me well...when I don't go to the gym at least once a week I feel terrible. I live for exercise. It gives me this natural high and sense of accomplishment that I don't get from doing school stuff.

Right after coming from Makati I headed to my gym in QC. It felt great doing weight training again. After weight training I just hung around the gym since I had FREE time! Suddenly I noticed a group of people preparing for Muay Thai class. The receptionist in the gym told me that they offered FREE TRIAL. So then off I went to the Red Corner area and participated in the Muay Thai class. IT was FREAKING hard! All that punching and kicking. LOTs of kicking! DUH! A pleasant surprise was that to my right (it was a class of 7) was Ms. Gwen Garci of the Viva Hotbabes. And Boy she was HOTTT. Talk about a nice booty. She's really pretty but I appeciate her more when she doesn't talk. hehe.

I thought it was just like aerobics class where people kicked and punched in the air. I was soooo wrong. The second part were 2 rounds of going into the ring and kicking, punching and elbowing the trainor (well he had these pads). He shouts "kick me! Elbow here!". My legs, elbows and shins were flying all over! My classmates were really strong. You'd hear the "pak!" on the pads when the kick. It was sooo cool. Some of the girls in that class had bruises but were awfully strong. Then the last part was abdominal exercises which was really unlike any other. The trainor even made us do SPLITS! My God he could do splits all right! He's a seagames medalist go figure.

It was a tiring class! Last Feb I tried ultimate frizbee which made my legs hurt like hell (its a non-contact sport). Its the first time i actually tried a contact sport...muay thai is really a contact sport. Its different cuz you have to be awfully alert. When I wasn't alert enough (my fists were up for defense) the trainor would lightly hit my arms. He would say "kick higher, higher!" or "lakasan mo pa!".
I really enjoyed being motivated. Plus, unlike weight lifting which gets quite boring over the course of more than a year...this seems to be really fun.

And so I came home and put ice on my legs to avoid major bruising and pain. This morning when I woke up my whole boy was sore! But there was very few bruising. I guess all that weigh training also deveoped my muscles and made it less prone to bruising. I guess I'm signing up for 4 more sessions. All that kicking and punching really feels natural to me. hehe.

The trainor says its good for self defense cuz it makes your kick a really strong and solid one. Hmmm...I just might crush someone's balls in the future. haha

Lost

2006-04-24T20:22:00.000-07:00

Its rare that I find myself lost. And when I am I feel awfully sad.

Recently, I've been feeling lost and "sabog". I really hate this feeling. Since I feel that way I keep on losing stuff like an expensive book I just bought, my comb, and some other things. Along with this is the fact that I feel so poor. Summer means the absence of allowance and this is dreadful! Last summer I had internship and thus my folks gave me allowance and the place I worked in gave me some kind of honoraria. Now since I'm finishing these handwritten digests and there's thesis to research on I stay mostly at home which means no money for me. It sucks.

Since senior year is approaching its inevitable for me to somewhat look ahead. I'm not a fan of looking ahead. I'm more of the person of the present. Since I feel so poor nowadays I'm now rethinking my plans of going to medschool after lawschool. I think earning money wouldn't be such a bad idea after I graduate.

* * *

I'm tired. Its really weird cuz its summer vacation.

Self-Confessed PBB Fan

2006-04-23T23:50:00.000-07:00

The entry title says it all.

Like the other PBB seasons, I watched the premiere of this season. This season is the TEEN edition season. I swear if I was a teenager I would have auditioned just for fun. I actually asked my momi f she would ever allow me to join PBB (hypothetical question) and she said I would have to change my name. haha. She says she wouldn't want family secrets spilling all over national televsion (i.e. being a fractured family).

Man, the PBB house looks sooo cool. It looks like some room created by the show Knock First. Ultimate teen lounge!

Hmmm I have my bets for the finals four: Fred (from CSA), Jamilla (teen mom), Aldred (valedictorian from Pasay) and Clare (barrio girl from Bukidnon).

Why I think they would stay for 42 days:
Fred: really goodlooking, disciplined (just like Nene fo PBB 1), and looks level headed
Jamilla: Pretty, awa-factor being a teenage mom whose kid has a handicap, and had gone through lots of things in her life and being the case she'd seem to be the person na mahaba ang pasensya sa tao
Aldred: cute, smart, magaling mag-luto (indispensible in the PBB house especially when you have a bunch of teens who can't cook for shit)
Clare: pretty, from the province (so lots of province votes!), and looks like a well adjusted girl.

I think the cono/conyo people (nina and mikee) are in great danger of getting evicted agad...especially the nina girl. I think they have a tendency to alienate the others (creating their own little world) just like what JB did in season 1. UNLESS, their cono friends will spend money to save them. It so easy to hate the cono.

I'm seeing lots of loveteams brewing! Well, that's abs-cbn's point actually. haha

Cute and goodlooking teens in ONE HOUSE for WEEKS? Come on! Do I hear raging hormones? Sa lawschool nga gumaganda at gumagwapo ang mga tao dahil araw araw mo cla nakikita (Its the big brother house effect! =P)...sila pa kaya eh lahat sila goodlooking.

Postponed

2006-04-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

After planning and bookings the bora trip is canceled. Well the apt term is that its postponed. Its gonna be in May now. This time I'm more or less sure that i'll be going with someone. It sucks really BUT then im taking it as a sign to finish my specpro digests.

I have around 300 digests to write pa. based on my computation I have to write 40 digests per day starting today so I can finish it by the 27th. Hooray! *sigh*

Can't Wait

2006-04-16T23:26:00.000-07:00

My friend S and I are going on an adventure. She and I will ride the ship to Caticlan and then to Boracay! Its the first time for both of us to visit bora and its my first time to ride a ship! I'm super duper excited! My friend S will be going home a day earlier and so I'll be on my own in bora for the last day. Wheeee! =)

I love my parents for being so generous and liberal! =)

But then I have 400 digests to write pa. I'm thinking if i should bring my homework to bora or at least finish it inside the ship.

The Genetic Pool

2006-04-15T00:03:00.000-07:00

To those who will read this entry...warning: this entry might annoy you. read at your own risk. =P

* * *

My friend told me during a party that I seem to be obsessed with the genetic pool and the improvement of the race (mine in particular). I couldn't disagree cuz it was the truth.

What frustrates me is that fact that those who fancy me are just not my type and would clearly not improve the present genetic pool. One dude's just as tall as I am. The others are either too dark or whose IQ I am not certain of. I clearly understand that I am not a stunning person but that is my point exactly...I would love an improvement of the race and not the other way around. Is that too much to ask???

I believe that in relationships love can fade BUT the children you create will stay. I wouldn't want a faulty relationship to produce ugly children. One mistake is enough.

And thus, I daydream of a guy I recently met whose genes make him worthy of a biophysics degree and a job in Cern. He's eyes are so beautiful being half-indian and his features are so nice being half-swedish. *sigh* He's on his "world tour" and I met him in some house party. Talking to him made me sound silly. I love it! As my friend Y said..."I don't need a fan. I need an equal if not someone better".

My guy friend refused to give me his number because we we're going to set him up with our dear friend who is equally intelligent and who never had a BF. Oh well.

Another frustrated plan to improve my family's genetic pool.

* * *

I'm struggling to forget him. I'm struggling not to care.

* * *

M and I texted. He wanted to meet up and get close. I told him I'd spare him the risk of me being attached to him so I'd opt to just be "strictly friends". He told me "no worries" and that I should "own" my decisions. I like him too much to risk it. After what happened the past sem with C and him I know my weaknesses. I know that if I meet up with him under a "not just friends" context I'm in for a heartbreak because its only me who will end up having feelings. I'm not a big fan for unrequited love. I hate it.

* * *

Easter's coming up! =) yey!

* * *

No more miss nice girl, C. I heard you are on one of your quests to gain acceptance and recognition. Since you disrespected me and others...your path to gaining acceptance won't be easy. And I will make sure to the best of my ability that it will be tough. I gave you a chance to OWN your actions... you refused to...and now you'll face the music...not in my hands but in another's.

A Rare Regret

2006-04-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

a conversation between me and a friend:

"he did that in the semifinals. You should tell C what he's doing...he doesn't listen to me anymore, takes it against me. You are his prime minister...=) "

I'm no longer that.

* * *

I never had regrets with what happened between me and C. Now I'm starting to. Whatever happened between him and me removed whatever moral ascendancy I had over him in the organization. His arrogance his unstoppable. I used to be the only one who could sit down and talk to him to re-assess his attitude without him taking it against me. Now, there's seems to be no one who can do that. That's the consequence of our actions. That's the consequence of my actions and my weakness.

And Summer Officially Starts

2006-04-09T07:15:00.000-07:00

after all that exam shit i went through...its finally over. Junior year is finally over!

Finally drank, swam and had a good time last night. Although, being "burdened" to entertain another guest just because he likes me didn't exactly make my night.

I went home at 5am and slept at my friend's place. I had fun. I finally feel free.

* * *

Lots of stuff to fix in the next 24 hours...my messy room in particular. I can't wait to go to UP Manila and meet up with old friends again. We'd be watching a movie. I hope my crush for the moment comes along. =)

* * *

Things have gone really bad between me and him. My words of concern was turned into words which to him meant a lack of faith in the organization that love. He is so wrong. Faith in people is one that I have. I guess I was wrong for having faith that beneath all that immaturity and angst was a good person.

I Wish I Knew

2006-04-06T08:28:00.000-07:00

when will I be over him?
he visits my dreams more than any other person (ever!).
its not making things any easier.
why can't i just forget?
when will I ever be just over?

My friend told me I should just get over it!
I want to learn how not to care with how he is, what he thinks and how he feels.
I wish I knew how. I so damn wish I knew.

The Animal In Me

2006-04-05T04:55:00.000-07:00

this survey says that the animal in me is...

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Deer

Animal You Were in a Past Life: Panda

You are a fun-seeker - an adventurous, risk-taker.
While you are spontaneous, you are not very rational.

The Animal Personality Test

Cool! Not very rational? I agree. haha

Lazy Daisy

2006-03-26T07:59:00.000-08:00

2 days to go til my final exams officially start.

I'm struggling with my review. I sit for hours but time is spent more on daydreaming about the vacation. Although I do get some studying done my concentration is really bad.

what has happened to me?!

My Third Serving of Fishballs

2006-03-23T04:38:00.000-08:00

Memory work isn't really my forte as a student. Unfortunately, God has this plan for me. That plan is for me to learn how to memorize. How does HE do this? By making me "almost" weep during recitations in Evidence under professor L.

Today I was called for fishbowl recitation the 3rd time! I guess He gave me a break when I was called on a rule that although I did not adequately memorize...I was at least familiar with it. I'm still lucky.

* * *

Hopefully, this is my last meeting with professor L. A whole sem with section C was an interesting one. My Fuggy encouraged me to transfer to their section (since I had to move my sked around to accomodate admin law under atty A). I remember him teasing me when I decided to transfer to their section. He teased me about how awkward it will be with FC in the same section. He made sure he brought up the topic of another person in his class who for some time I found really weird and annoying.

I will look at the past sem with section C with a big smile on my face. It wasn't a smooth sailing semester for me academically and emotionally BUT I honestly believe that I learned a LOT (not just on the academic aspects). I learned how to deal with people I have relationships with. It was cool being classmates with my best guy friend in school. We now share a semester of memories under a terror professor. It sucks that we rarely bonded compared to before (evidence was just too stressful for the both of us I guess). What is so ironic is that I have a lot of things to share to him but I never got to.

* * *

two of my "protectors" are now not in good terms because of an incident. Its sad that my 2 good friends just won't get along. Well...they never did in the first place. Things are just worse now. *sigh*

Nothing...

2006-03-21T02:45:00.000-08:00

I didn't want to see angry thoughts when I read my blog so I'm posting this picture of villains from my favorite tv show in gradeschool.

I remember when life was a lot simpler and happier. I remember when my biggest concern was having what I wanted for recess. Then my biggest heartache was my crush crushing on my best friend. I miss those times!

Puhleez Don't Try to Save Me

2006-03-20T23:40:00.000-08:00

Stop trying to save me! I don't need a messiah right now! I'm happy with who I am.

So what if I live in a world where I believe good faith exists?!
I believe in the goodness of people.
I refuse to constantly be "aware" of people's manipulations and hidden agendas.
To be so overly conscious means I'd have to always be wary, neurotic and unhappy. So what if I choose to live in disneyland?! At least at the end of the day I can sleep well and I know that I choose to see the goodness in people rather than their evil tendencies.

If people take advantage of my being nice and good natured then I'll just deal with it like I've done for the past years. But I refuse to change being me.

I refuse to be unhappy by being "praning"!

I refuse to be bitter!

Life may be imperfect BUT I believe that life is beautiful.

Dilemma

2006-03-19T06:59:00.000-08:00

Summer vacation is a few weeks away and I have a major dilemma.

I can't seem to decide whether I should apply for internship this summer OR just do my thesis and go to the beach. What makes it difficult for me is the fact that I have already finished by 240 hours or internship last year BUT it was at the Supreme Court. Ergo, I did complete the required hours BUT I have no idea what practicing in a private firm is like. On the other hand, I have my thesis to take care of which is research intensive and I do not wish to kill myself during the first semester next school year with cramming my thesis.

WHAT will I do?

I don't want to graduate without having at least a glimpse of how it is to work for a firm. Is it even possible for me to "intern" in a law firm after I graduate and before the bar results come out (internship as an underbar)?

*sigh*

And Then I Realized...

2006-03-15T19:05:00.000-08:00

While I was having an intense migraine in the middle of a birthday party in Grilla I realized something.

What in the world was I thinking?!

I wasn't. hahaha!

* * *

I don't know if it was the cake, the iced tea or the migraine that caused me to blurt out to A that I had (take note of the past tense) a crush on him. Maybe I just felt like giving someone a compliment. Or maybe I was just bored.

* * *

How the hell can I be bored when there are tons of stuff to do? The most amazing thing is I am.

I hope this sem ends fast before I do something stupid again.

Although, the last time we got a surprise holiday from GMA i got myself into a sticky situation which brought me tears. So maybe too much free time isn't good either.

Man, I just want to get away from all this.

Thesis and Other Stuff

2006-03-14T23:01:00.000-08:00

I went to consult Ma'am A today for my compulsory consultation for my thesis outline. It wasn't that bad really. I tried to be really calm and polite. It was a big difference from my previous demeanor during defense.

I wasn't surprised with the result. She said "Okay" to whole whole outline. I was just asked a few questions to clarify my stand etc. Wheee. I guess I was right...I was included to consult with her because I got her agitated during my defense.

I feel vindicated knowing that my outline was okay all along.

Hah!

* * *

I need a plan. I need it fast. Summer is fast approaching.

I am dying to leave the city with J soon. But it seems that our plan is just too...well...magulo. Our clique changed their minds aboout going to the beach BUT I am just dying to spend quality time. All the texting and short coffee "conversations" ain't enough anymore. This seems to be a never ending wait. This thing between us can be traced back to 6th grade. Ugh! When will the real shared moment ever happen?

And I Quite Agree

2006-03-14T02:14:00.000-08:00

What Planet Are You From?

this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim

Madness

2006-03-13T06:36:00.000-08:00

Having a fishbowl type of recitation for evidence is plain madness!

I just thank my lucky stars and the Guy Up There for helping me tonight. I was able to give a decent answer.

* * *

Madness is me staying in lawschool, being overload and taking evidence under Francis Lim.

Madness is about me liking guy/s who is/are sooooo taken.
Madness is me wanting to do something about it.
Madness is me seemingly looking for a headache and a heartache.
Madness is me NOT wanting to care (but I do).

Madness is me wanting hugs anytime and anywhere.
Madness is me being a hopeless romantic.
Madness is me trying to chase rainbows.

Madness is me trying to tell myself I've got a chance with happiness when people tell me otherwise (considering the circumstances).

* * *

*sigh*

at least I got the fishbowl right. That's something to be cheerful about.
* * *

Dreadful

2006-03-12T19:18:00.000-08:00

Today is fishbowl day! I'm not exactly thrilled. I'M TERRIFIED!

That's why I'm blogging right now. ugh!

* * *

Going to denning's party over the weekend reminded me that I always wanted to be a jedi. The lightsabers were just super cool and FUN!

Plus, I wish I could do the jedi mindtricks on someone. haha.

* * *

Three more weeks and its summer vacation already. Can't wait to hit the beach with friends.

Man, I have to buy a new bikini. I think i'll buy a white one.

* * *

I think I did something stupid.

Oh well what's new?!

But this time I think everything is just gonna be cool. Steady lang.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve ain't that bad...I hope.

This Time You Know Its Different When...

2006-03-07T05:27:00.000-08:00

For those who know me my guy problems tend to be similar. As I would call it I'm always pursued then left hanging somewhere. The worst place a girl can get into. however, I've always had the strength to make sure it doesn't affect my attitude so much. I'm still bright and sunny. Maybe quite talkative about the whole "incident etc" but just the regular me.

BUT this time its a lot different.

I never thought it was until my dear friend Mike told me that I would easily snap at him for the smallest things. He told me that my disposition changed. He said I'd usually giggle and laugh despite his teasings or jokes...BUT now i'm so pikon or just plain not in the mood.

I got really concerned.

Today I was going down the stairs and I saw a freshman orgmate named M. I waived at him and he did the same. As he passed by me he said, ", smile ka naman..."

Only then did I realize that I was not just not smiling but I had a sad face on (unintentionally).

Then it hit me...

This guy got to me. He had brought happiness and new extreme sadness into my life. I feel naked. I feel unsecure. I never thought I can be this affected.

My friends have been noticing my change in disposition. they asked me why. I told them what happened. Before I knew it I was sobbing.
some of them said..."wow this is the first time we've seen you cry over a guy."

They we're right. Its been a very long time. Years in fact.

* * *

I want to deal with my feelings. I want to be back to the way I was.
I don't know how. He did something that changed me.

Its not fair...while he disappears and I become nothing to him. Nothing.

Entertaining

2006-03-06T04:18:00.000-08:00

I saw this link in Denning's site:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ7bJQGlfJY&search=natalie%20portman%20rap

its natalie portman gone wild. =)

Sacrifice

2006-02-28T23:07:00.000-08:00

its Ash Wednesday today and the priest encourages us to give up something. I dont smoke . I dont drink. Quitting eating meat is no problem to me.

I decided to give up momolling for the whole of lent. I think I should rethink my position. I think I need some stability. And getting rid of the activity would help me think clearer and find out what I really want in my relationships.

I hope I keep my promise. If I don't I'll be getting into trouble.

I Did Everything I Could When I Could Do It

2006-02-28T04:36:00.000-08:00

I Did Everything I Could When I Could Do It
I don't like GMA but her declaration of monday as a holiday just gave me the opportunity to do several things for which I am very thankful:

1) watch Close to You
2) Bond with 2 of my STM orgmates after winning the finals of the debate category of the Conflicts of Law against UP law.
3) Stay up until 4 am and not worry about the next day
4) Bond with an old friend in a different way...

The Number 2 experience let me into number 4 which was entirely a new experience for me. My orgmates shared with me their 2 cents worth of advice on love and lust. It was really interesting, entertaining and educational I should say.

But among the many things they shared with me over beer this is what we agreed was the most important realization...

"I did everything I could when I could do it...no regrets"

That there is simply no room for regret when you know deep in your heart that you did everything you could when you could do it.

When you made that phonecall to let him/her know how you felt...
When you drove to his/her house to get the closure you needed...
When you took a leap of faith...
when you put your walls down...
when you swallowed your pride for someone you cared for...

But things didn't turn out the best you hoped for...AND...

YOU MOVE ON peacefully because you have no regrets.

* * *

As I ate dinner all alone I realized that I should be careful for what I wish for because it just might come true...and when it does I might not be ready.

* * *

I found someone I can trust but why am I so afraid?

Far Away

2006-02-22T22:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my good friend's mom passed away after having a stroke. She was a kind and warm person. She will be sorely missed.

What makes things really sad is that my friend can't be home to bury his mom. He is a missionary of the Church of Latter Day Saints. He left almost a year ago for his 2 year mission. He has the option of going back here but before he left his parents told him that he should continue his missionary work in New Zealand whatever happens. God first, family second.

Now he grieves alone in New Zealand. [the land of (well) cows and lord of the rings location shoots...]

Man, that is tough.

Sick and Tired

2006-02-07T05:17:00.000-08:00

I'm down with the colds. I hate being sick.

To make things worse...

Today has been a tiring day.

I'm physically, mentally and emotionally drained.

These are the days when big hugs make things feel better. I was so sad that I had to solicit them from friends. It was bordering on pathetic but I don't care. I just needed a big hug badly.

Gaano Ka Katanga Sa Pag-ibig?

2006-01-31T05:23:00.000-08:00

I answered the quiz in Tristan Cafe entitled: Gaano ka katanga sa pag-ibig?

Up there is my result. haha

Wanna try? The quiz' questions are hillarious!

http://www.tristancafe.com/quizzes/stupidlove/

What A Starry Night

2006-01-30T22:17:00.000-08:00

just testing...wow my first time to post a pic in my blog. But of course i'm not showing my face yet. haha

This picture was taken by my "so fab" uncle in 1999. The teenage girl in the pic is me. This blog was inspired by that Van Gogh painting found in the Metropolitan Museum of Art NYC.

That summer was the best summer vacation ever!

Since Its Gonna Be Feb Soon...

2006-01-28T09:04:00.000-08:00

I was thinking I'd be categorized as looking for something serious but this quiz result tells me otherwise.

Your Ideal Relationship is Casual Dating

Maybe you're looking for love...
But mostly you're looking for fun.
You could get serious with the right person.
For now, though, you're enjoying playing the field.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Busy Bee

2006-01-28T03:07:00.000-08:00

Its been a couple of days after midterms and everything seems to be back to normal. i get called for recitation and I have to write down special proceeding digests.

Other than that my organization responsibilities are catching up with me. I'm a member of 4 school organizations and a part-time writer for another one. Then there's the yearly inter-lawschool competition. Sa totoo lang I don't even remember how I dug this deep a hole for myself. I guess I feel my academic studies were getting boring (but not getting easy I tell you)...just boring. I remember in freshman year I didn't have a single organization. I guess I did A 180 degree turn after 2 years.

I don't know yet how to juggle everything. I hope I figure it out soon. I don't want to become an absolute delinquent.

* * *

I found myself debating again last night. To my slight horror it had to be against Jess. haha. The horror was debating against him when the last time i debated was in the UST IVs 2004 (with Robin & chrys as my team8s)...translation...the 7 minutes was a struggle. I don't think I'm ready to revive my debate career. I hope in the next training sessions we have enough people so that the adj (me) won't end up debating.

Years ago I'd prefer to debate than to adj. As someone mentioned in a public speaking speech, "debaters don't die. They adjudicate". I agree. And maybe its better for their egos to cross the line to adjudication.

* * *

I watched Rumor Has It with Jane. It was a free movie thanks to her! I liked the movie although it was quite twisted. hehe

* * *

Soon I'll be in home in q.c. Its been almost a month since the last time. I'm excited to eat a homecooked meal.

* * *

J texted me and asked me out. I declined. Was it because of my tight schedule (thanks to tons of orgwork) or because I just don't like him enough?

My guess is both.

Back to the Usual

2006-01-24T01:17:00.000-08:00

I just finished the conflicts of law exam. The last exam for the midterms season.

I feel relieved but scared as well. I only had 4 exams but none of them I feel could say I actually pass. But its not yet over. Until I see the bluebooks I can't say the extent of the damage my cramming and lack of "everyday" study has brought to me. I guess I just have to pay the painful price of "making up" for the bad grades eventually.

* * *

So I'm back to the usual routine.

Of Codals and Cases

2006-01-12T21:37:00.000-08:00

I'm absenting myself from admin class today due to inadequacy of preparation (actually its the lack thereof). My friend M teases me that I am such a delinquent (referring to admin class)...I couldn't disagree. I believe that there are cuts and kind professors to be abused in lawschool. haha.

* * *

Today I sit in the LSAC enjoying wi-fi and facing a desk filled with photocopies of codals and reviewers. Aha! Indeed midterms is fast approaching. But unlike the previous midterm seasons this one is one that I am least prepared for. I think my preparation and review time decreases as the sems pass by. Oh well. I just have to count on my lucky stars once again that I get through this sem without a scratch.

That is basically my lawschool mantra. Not neccessarily to excel but to survive without cuts or bruises. There are three things that I keep in mind always in lawschool (although I don't give all three sayings equal importance).

"Failure to prepare is preparing for failure"

"Leave no subject behind"

"Compensate with diligence what you lack in brillance"

Those are the three sentences I lived by especially in my first year.

Do I stick with them now? Not as much as I did before but I think that starting from this day til the end of the midterm week I should remind myself of those three sentences.

* * *

=p

Another Year Closer To Retirement

2006-01-08T19:24:00.000-08:00

I'd like to start this entry in a positive light by saying. Wow girl, you look pretty good for a 20 something year old. haha. Actually I look pretty young...thus the string of hapening-and-not-happenning relationships with guys younger than me during my short lifetime. haha

On to the DAY. My Birthday had to fall before a long exam and thus my birthday was spent in school studying (or at least trying to). I was thankful that my mom and brother drove all the way from fairview to makati just to treat me buffet merienda at the Pen. Good food always makes me happy.

The exam just ended a while ago. I think I did okay. Nothing spectacular really but I'm not bummed about it.

* * *

Next week will be midterms. My stress level is starting to rise but I'm trying hard to keep myself steady.

* * *

The highlight of my past week was really the shopping and the informal reunion that I had with friends from my highschool debating days. These were the days before IDEA or IISDC. Where we debated mostly for fun using the BP format and argued like lawyers using the format of cross-examination. Dinner was spent reminiscing about how it was. The weird friendships and relatioships formed. How different or the same we think we are now.

And since I used to like them both..especially the other one I havent spoken to (for real) in years...it was a real treat. We talked about how we agreed to be prom/ball dates of each other in case we had no one to drag to the event. Apparently "no one" meant if my first choice didn't agree to go. Haha. We both got our first choice dates thus we never got to go to any highschool event together. haha. It was really amusing I should say.

I finally discovered what caused the "gap" between us when we crossed over to college debating. And it was basically due to the "fear of jealous girlfriends"...they knew we used to be "close" to highschool. He claims he wasn't supposed to talk to me during college tournaments cuz he might end up in trouble. I told him that I found the excuse absurd but he stuck to that defense. So I guess its true. Well, fact is stranger than fiction.

* * *

I realized that my life is trying to take form now. I feel that the fast year has taught me to actually embrace what is in front of me. I actually look forward to graduating and starting to plot new things in my life. I find it really neat. Its a big improvement from my earlier years in lawschool.

I hope things get better.

Too Much Sleeping

2006-01-04T19:12:00.000-08:00

I'm having problems adjusting to school life again. I find myself sleeping too late and waking up too late (barely studying during the night) I'm dying to cut my sleep to 7 hours max but to no avail. And midterms is just 10 freaking days away!!!

After the midterms means...5 more exam seasons and then its the ULTIMATE EXAM of all time already. In second year the thoought of the bar exams was absurd. Now that I'm almost done with my junior year it isn't anymore. I'm dying to finish on time. I hope I don't stay in lawschool longer than I intend it. So God please help me wake up in the morning (and not close to noon!).

And Then 2006 Begins...

2005-12-31T23:58:00.000-08:00

Happy new year everyone!

Let's start the year right by saying thank you to people who mattered:

* To my folks. Yes! thanks for supporting me the best way you guys know. For giving me independence and your trust.
* To my sistah. For putting up with my visits.
* To Dran for being such a great friend
* To V for the friendship
* To Angel, M, J, K for putting up with my craziness
* To Sheree for keeping me company on dateless nights and post-exam chillouts
* To JC for being such a gentleman and great co-intern
* To Mike for walking me home & being a great listener
* To the LSAC Barristers for being such an inspiration to me and showing me that the lawschool experience need not be hell. :)

To those who made my life more interesting the past year:
* To S: 1st sem wouldn't be as exciting without you around. Thanks for giving me a reason to go to school. haha.
* To B: You taught me that patience with friends is indeed a virtue and that some people 'might' not just grow up. You made me discover how it feels to be kilig, happy, frustrated, angry and annoyed towards one person in a short span of time.
* To X2: you showed me that some things just can't work out and must be left to the past permanently

* * *

Oh this is soo baduy...but what's new year without a new year's resolution right?

* I will TRY my best to take my studies (more) seriously.
* I will not break the twice a week gym rule
* I will tell HER that I love her more often
* I will be less sarcastic in my words and ways
* I will be consistent in giving compliments when they are due

* * *

I watched HOUSE the other day.

Actually I really like the show. The sarcasm is just wonderful! I've been watching the show irregularly. I've seen around 5-6 episodes.

In the most recent episode I watched the conversation between Cameron and House over a dinner date made me think really hard on why I entered my past relationships.

Other than that the show has made me rethink my career path. My seriously considering taking the NMAT in 2007 or 2008 after I take the bar exams. I have consulted some friends in UPCM about it and they said I can study for the NMAT and do well despite the fact that i've graduated from an entirely different field. I plan to apply in UPCM and no other school...for obvious reasons. If I'm not accepted then it means its not for me and I'm not gonna push it since by that time I'm already an attorney. A friend of mine told me I was crazy to even consider...but hey it does run in the blood. Truth is I am more familiar with how the medical profession is practiced that the legal profession. We don't have a single lawyer in in the family and we have tons of doctors. I grew up with dinner table discussions about patients and doctors. Now when I'm sharing something legal during a meal...I have to talk really slow and take time to explain. When they listen soon after they ask me stuff about medical malpractice (and that they don't really teach fully in lawschool besides under formed and torts). In other words O-P ako. haha. I wonder if I change my plan to take the NMAT 365 days from now. Maybe this is just one of my what-do-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up phases.

* * *

I embrace 2006 with much delight and optimism!

My Birthday Wish Is...

2005-12-28T23:19:00.000-08:00

World PEACE! But other than that...

in a few days i'll be turning...2*.

I went to a different bookstore last night in Eastwood and found a gem of a book. It isn't literary or profound. Actually I can say its a picture book. Very few words and mostly pictures. True to my newfound addiction which is health and fitness the book is a book on fitness. The book is entitled, "Strength Training fro Women by Joan Pagano". I simply love it. I'm crossing my fingers i get it as a birthday gift. haha

Akin Ka Na Lang...

2005-12-26T04:25:00.000-08:00

And my song of the season is...Major LSS (last song syndrome man!)

Akin Ka Na Lang
Itchyworms 2005

INTRO

'Wag kang maniwala d'yan, 'di ka n'ya mahal talaga
Sayang lang ang buhay mo kung mapupunta ka lang sa kanya
Iiwanan ka lang n'yan, mag-ingat ka
Dagdag ka lamang sa milyun-milyong babae (lalake) n'ya

CHORUS 1
Akin ka na lang (akin ka na lang)
Iingatan ko ang puso mo
Akin ka na lang (akin ka na lang)
At wala nang hihigit pa sa 'yo

'Di naman ako bolero katulad ng ibang tao
Ang totoo'y 'pag nand'yan ka, medyo nabubulol pa nga ako
Malangis lang ang dila n'ya, 'wag kang madala
Dahan-dahan ka lang, baka pati ika'y mabiktima (huwag naman sana)

[Repeat CHORUS 1]

BRIDGE
'Di naman sa sinisiraan ko ang pangit na 'yan
Huwag ka dapat sa 'kin magduda, hinding-hindi kita pababayaan

[Repeat CHORUS 1]

CHORUS 2
Akin ka na lang (akin ka na lang)
Liligaya ka sa pag-ibig ko
Akin ka na lang (akin ka na lang)
At wala nang hihigit pa sa 'yo

Wala nang hihigit pa sa 'yo (akin ka na lang)

* * *

Haaayyy...why do I want what I can't have and what seems to escape me? So near yet so far?